Breaking: Tom Cruise still not gay!

Photo: Getty Images

Did you eat too much this holiday weekend? Need a good laugh to work off the extra calories you packed on?

Here you go.

He's been married three times and has also been romantically linked with some of Hollywood's most desirable women. Yet for nearly his entire career, Tom Cruise has been subject to pervasive rumors that he's gay. Though Tom's camp has repeatedly denied the talk, it has persisted over the years, with two men even claiming to have had affairs with him -- tales which Tom was willing to challenge in a court of law. Now, after conducting an extensive investigation of the gay rumors, porn star-turned-private investigator Paul Barresi is speaking to In Touch about his findings. "Everything I've found and everything I know points to Tom being heterosexual," Paul tells In Touch.

Thank God someone was willing to clear that up!

Comments

[TS Slaughter]

Hey Everyone,

Think Tom Cruise is sexy? Well have I got a film for you!

I write to announce the release on DVD of my new gay-themed, campy slasher "Skull & Bones" (USA, 2007, 73 minutes, NTSC). The tagline "A Tale of Homo-cidal Mania" sums up my original and darkly humorous take on a traditional genre. Allow me to highlight other key features of the film:

"Skull & Bones" is controversial, nasty, and extreme.

Audience members at private New York screenings have described the film as "twisted," "disturbing," and "subversive," but also "hilarious" and "hot."

FilmThreat.com calls it "unnerving . . . fantasy wish-fulfillment for truly disturbed homosexuals."

“Skull & Bones” receives 4 stars (out of 5) from The Coroner’s Report, which calls the film “a worthy introduction for writer and director T.S. Slaughter,” adding: “it features intelligence, originality and creativity rarely seen in the overflowing amount of horror films being released today. It also defies political correctness in a time in which that can be a liability. Expect nightmares for months to come!"

My influences include early Wes Craven and John Waters, Tobe Hooper, Rob Zombie, and Italian horror (Argento, Bava, Fulci, Deodato, Lenzi).

Multiple-award-winning Executive Editor Spencer Schilly also edited RuPaul's "jaw-droppingly crude" new comedy Starrbooty, which has made the rounds at NewFest, Frameline, Outfest, and PIGLFF, among other gay film festivals.

All the music in the film is performed by the filmmakers and their associates--and most of it is brand new. In fact, much of the music was composed specifically for "Skull & Bones," notably the punk songs you'll hear. Some, though, comes with permission from a new Swedish Hip-hop CD.

The snakes and tarantula used in the final torture sequence are real. The yellow snake with the red eyes is a ten-foot Albino Burmese python; the others are eight-foot Brazilian carpet snakes and a baby boa constrictor.

The DVD is available both online and at selected retail outlets in New York City.

To learn more about the film please visit our website: www.skullandbonesthemovie.com

Watch the trailer: http://www.skullandbonesthemovie.com/Trailer.html

Sincerely, T.S. Slaughter, writer/director
www.myspace.com/skullandbonesthemovie