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Out's girlfriend of the month (we go through them so quickly!) is none other than the everlasting Joan Rivers, whose straight talk in the March issue should not be read while drinking hot beverages or, well, trying to swallow anything. Her top 10 tips for life include (but are so very much not limited to):
1. Fag hag and fruit fly are perfectly acceptable terms. Especially for Katie Holmes.
3. Here's a gay obsession I'll never understand: fisting. Do you know how hard it is to clean shit off a charm bracelet?
8. Don't think I won't cock-block you. I get in between more gay men than Astroglide.
Read the full list at Out.com.
In case you were wondering, this is when I first fell in love with Joan Rivers. I was four or five, watching The Muppets Take Manhattan (and I'll admit this movie was about half the reason I thought one day I might move to New York City).
In this scene, Miss Piggy walks into her department store make-up counter job -- where she works side by side with Ms. Rivers. Bummed out that her amphibian honey seems stuck on a real life female, Miss Piggy needs a pick-me-up -- delivered in the form of an escalating make-over by her coworker. "Pigs don't have eyebrows!" she wails, at one point. It's like a food fight with lipstick. And thanks to YouTube, of course you can still see for yourself:
Looking back, I'm pretty sure that if my very young self knew what a drag queen was, I would have assumed both Piggy and Rivers were. No wonder I loved them!
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