Illustration: Gluekit
In honor of Hump Day, here are two far lighter takes on the transgender condition. (That was a joke, too.)
> We just posted one of my favorite pieces I've ever helped commission. After years of idle locker room talk and gossip, I convinced my dear friend A. Raymond Johnson [Insert: Some of my best friends are trans! quip here] to write a Cosmo-style guide for biologically-equipped gay guys who might want to know more about how to have sex with trans men:
Trans men, like all the rest of you alcoholic homos, sometimes get drunk and accidentally have sex with their friends. Before you go on a binge with your FTM crush, you might consider what you’ll do with them -- or to them -- once you get your pants off.
For example, if you're looking for a...
Bear: We are so delighted to finally inhabit all things male that we tend to love body hair, on ourselves and others. Any trans man who is capable of growing a beard probably will.
Or a:
Gym queen: After years in the wrong skin, we are utterly pleased to discuss ad nauseam every little detail of anybody’s body (bonus points for workout tips to expand our pecs). There might also be a large mirror by our bed.
I'm doing my best to convince Ray he needs to stop regaling me in private with his sexual adventures and instead turn them into some kind of serialized dirty diaries we can post on Popnog. Go read ...But There's No Dick! and leave him lots of comments so he'll agree! Also he wants the world to know that he personally isn't so scared of ads labeled "FTM-friendly." In case you were, uh, curious.
> And, from the man who invented the metrosexual, a profoundly funny and profane essay about just what makes anyone an opposite sex any more:
Looking around at our sexually transparent, stimulated-simulated, implanted-imploding cam-fun-anyone? world, it’s difficult not to conclude that most of us are going tranny but without the, er, balls to actually change sex or even cross-dress. We’re all becoming male-to-male and female-to-female transsexuals: transexy...
It’s not enough, you see, to be male or female anymore. You have to both embody and go beyond sex. You have to turn yourself inside out. We’re all becoming...Pamela Anderson. Which is nice, but we don’t all have the legs for it.
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