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> Word is spreading that Ashlee Simpson's camp may be responsible for leaking songs from Mariah Carey's new album, E=MC2. A source tells MSNBC: "Joe Simpson [Ashlee's father and manager] has every
right to be nervous about Ashlee going up against Mariah.
They are
backed into a corner with this release date since they already changed
it once. Their only option in fighting the Mariah machine would be to
create a way to make the album's release less newsworthy." Simpson's
rep fired back, "Mariah is a great artist,
but the only album release Ashlee is focused on right now is her own." There's only one dignified, surefire way to settle this: Let the two singers wrestle in a kiddie pool
full of sugar-free instant pistachio pudding. To the victor goes the number one spot on the chart.
> Two high school boys have been arrested after a teacher found an alleged hit list targeting three fellow students, a school staff member, and Chuck Norris. No one was injured and neither of the Pennsauken High School juniors was found to be possessing weapons. School superintendent James Chapman said in a posting on the
district's website that the boys claimed the list was a joke. Now, we all agree Chuck Norris' cinematic offerings have been beyond gruesome. And yes, he did do those agonizingly cheesy Total Gym infomercials. And OK, he did back Mike Huckabee for President. But we're still pretty certain none of those infractions -- or even all three combined! -- warrants his being put to death.
> Julio Iglesias began his new world tour in Los Angeles by claiming, "If I was gay I would be the best gay of all history." He went on to tell the Gibson Amphitheater audience, "Earlier, not long ago, I could make love in the dressing room, and
then come out and sing," but then confessed that was no longer the case. Perhaps it's the piss-poor reporting by TypicallySpanish.com, or maybe it's Iglesias' tender grasp of the English language, but we're not really sure how pre-concert and/or dressing room sex translates into snatching the "history's super fag" award. If anyone has a direct line into Julio's passionate, psycho-sexual ways, feel free to enlighten us in the comments section.
-- NOAH MICHELSON
I don't understand what everyone has against Chuck Norris. Conservative people have good solid values and society would not be any worse off if they gave these kind of morals a bit more consideration. If he has committed any crime it is endorsing the Total Gym.
Posted by: homegymexpert | February 17, 2009 at 03:04 PM
I don't understand what everyone has against Chuck Norris. Conservative people have good solid values and society would not be any worse off if they gave these kind of morals a bit more consideration. If he has committed any crime it is endorsing the Total Gym.
Posted by: homegymexpert | February 17, 2009 at 03:04 PM
I don't understand what everyone has against Chuck Norris. Conservative people have good solid values and society would not be any worse off if they gave these kind of morals a bit more consideration. If he has committed any crime it is endorsing the Total Gym.
Posted by: homegymexpert | February 17, 2009 at 03:05 PM
I don't understand what everyone has against Chuck Norris. Conservative people have good solid values and society would not be any worse off if they gave these kind of morals a bit more consideration. If he has committed any crime it is endorsing the Total Gym.
Posted by: homegymexpert | February 17, 2009 at 03:05 PM
I don't understand what everyone has against Chuck Norris. Conservative people have good solid values and society would not be any worse off if they gave these kind of morals a bit more consideration. If he has committed any crime it is endorsing the Total Gym.
Posted by: homegymexpert | February 17, 2009 at 03:05 PM