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> The National Enquirer (our favorite source for totally unreliable but endlessly enjoyable gossip) is claiming that sex with John Mayer is the one thing that has finally helped Jennifer Aniston to forget about Brad Pitt. A source for the magazine says, "Jennifer is calling John the
best ever lover. In fact, she can't stop raving about his skills
between the sheets -- insisting the sex with him is way better than it
was with Brad during their four-and-a-half-year marriage." Moreover, the source alleges, "It is no secret that every guy Jennifer has dated after her bust-up with Brad was merely a bit-player in her recovery process. Only now, in John's arms, does she look even close to finally putting Pitt in the past tense." While intrigued by Mayer's supposed sexual healing super powers, we've still got to say when push comes to thrust -- we're Team Pitt all the way.
> Oprah is going vegan for 21 days to detox and reassess her relationship with food. Along with 3 production associates from her production company, the queen of daytime talk will not eat any animals products or caffeine, sugar, gluten and alcohol. Oprah writes on day one of her food blog -- which she'll regularly update during the detox -- "Don't know if I'm going to feel better or worse, but I'm willing to try to see if my body at least feels differently." On day two she writes, "I had been focused on what I had to give up -- sugar, gluten, alcohol,
meat, chicken, fish, eggs, cheese. 'What's left?' I thought. Apparently a lot. I can honestly say every meal was a surprise and a
delight, beginning with breakfast -- strawberry rhubarb wheat-free
crepes." We want to be supportive Oprah, but when you're worth a billion dollars you can hire people who can make cat litter taste good. Try going vegan for 21 days on a $30 a day budget and then maybe we'll be impressed.
> Yesterday presidential hopeful John McCain visited the Ellen DeGeneres show and he had the gall to tell her that she shouldn't be able to get married as he believes in "the unique status of marriage between and man and a woman." Responding to his comment that he'd be fine with gay couples drafting legal contracts to deal with practical matters, Ellen fired back: "‘You can have a contract, and you’ll still have insurance, and
you’ll get all that,’ it sounds to me like saying, ‘Well, you can sit
there, you just can’t sit there.’… It feels like we are not, you know,
we aren’t owed the same things and the same wording." McCain refused to budge but offered Ellen his best wishes for "every happiness" which prompted the following exchange:
Ellen: “So, you’ll walk me down the aisle? Is that what you’re saying?”
McCain: “Touche.”
Actually John, in your case it's pronounced douche.
-- NOAH MICHELSON
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