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> Pop Babylon -- a new book penned by Imogen Edward-Jones -- lists the musicians raking in the most money for private performances. The Rolling Stones lead the pack charging a whopping £3.5 million per performance. Sir Elton John, Robbie Williams, Rod Stewart and Amy Winehouse all ask for up to £1 million for a private concert, while Janet Jackson and
the Pussycat Dolls pull in £500,000 per show. Edward-Jones says:
"No wonder the market is expanding rapidly with indie acts and young pop stars offering themselves up to the highest bidder. Even old favourites such as Rick Astley and the Human League have dusted themselves off and are available for weddings and bar mitzvahs. So no matter how big or small your budget, there appears to be a band to suit you."
And -- vice versa -- no matter how flash in the pan or unremarkable you may have turned out to be -- yeah, we're talking to you, Bow Wow Wow, Crash Test Dummies, and Kris Kross -- there's someone throwing a Bat Mitzvah or a "I just got my braces removed!" party that wants to pay you $112 to appear.
> Jane Seymour has a little advice for soon-to-be mother of twins Angelina Jolie. The actress tells OK magazine, "My advice to her is to put some weight on. I think she needs to keep putting on weight so she can feed those babies." Not satisfied with merely telling Angie to pack on the pounds, Seymour (who gave birth to twins herself) continued dispensing her wisdom:
"I nearly died having the twins. I had preclampsia, which is toxemia, and I had to have an emergency C-section and I almost lost my life. So my advice to her [Jolie] is to listen to your doctors and if they say bed rest and they say blood pressure cuff every hour and they say whatever medication they say, you should take it very seriously."
Angie should also consider that Seymour also spent all those years playing Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, so she clearly knows what she's talking about. Maybe we can even team up with Jane and convince Jolie to have a pioneer-themed birth with a bullet to bite down on for the pain and half a bottle of Jim Beam instead of an epidural! Hey, if Neil Patrick Harris can give fake medical advice and get paid for it, why can't we all?
> Does recycling turn you on? Do you spend your sleepless nights thinking up ways to reduce your carbon footprint? Did you buy Al Gore's documentary An Inconvenient Truth on DVD but then decide not to watch it because you felt turning on the television was an unjustifiable use of energy? We'll -- soon you'll be able to see it as an opera! Officials of the Milan opera house La Scala say the Italian composer Giorgio Battistelli has been commissioned to adapt the eco-expose for the 2011 season. Hopefully famed director William "The Exorcist" Friedkin, who's helming the production, will spice things up with a few crucifix crotch stabs or some pea soupy puke, because we're already getting kind of sleepy just from thinking about sitting through this sucker. Or maybe that's just sun poisoning from the thinning ozone layer.
-- NOAH MICHELSON
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