Photo: Getty Images
The Olympics ended not even 24 hours ago and already we're missing having the euphoric rush and surge of looking forward to the nightly global competition. That, and lots of twentysomething men in tiny swimsuits showering together. In honor of the two weeks that were the Beijing Summer Olympics, we present a final roundup of the winners and losers of the Games:
> China: Now that the Olympics are over, what will Beijing do, other than of course, consume a ton of leftover Chinese food? The most populous nation on Earth has a lot to be proud of, having stolen the gold medal count from the U.S., proven themselves as real players on the international sports stage, and run a flawless and spectacular games. The fact that these shiny and clean Olympics were the result of a government cracking down on its citizens, shutting down most major industry to reduce pollution, and jailing anyone who so much as attempted to request the right to protest undoubtedly leaves a tarnish on the Bird's Nest. Still, the clear, undeniable signal from China that it wants to be a player on the global stage ought to be applauded. WINNER
> Cuba: With four boxers in the finals and none getting a gold, Castro decided to call foul and blame the failure on a vast-Olympic-conspiracy. What Castro left out? Five of the country's best boxers had defected in the last 18 months. LOSER
> Michael Phelps: Like, duh. It's a shame the text message I received over the weekend that Obama was choosing him as VP turned out to be faked. Then again, we can only hope this means he's still considering the position of Lord and Ruler of All Mankind and the Undersea Realm of Atlantis. Think about it, Michael. WINNER
> U.S. Track & Field: We didn't cover track events that much throughout the games. Partly, this is because we already spend too much time on the elliptical and don't need to be reminded how far we have to go, but mostly, it had to do with the awful, no-good performance from the U.S. team. It wasn't just Tyson Gay, the former world-champ who spectacularly flamed out, failing to reach the finals in any event. The U.S. team failed to make much of an impression at all. Usain Bolt dominated the sprinting events and the Jamaicans carried the rest. If only Michael Phelps could run. LOSER
> The Gays: From the wild pyrotechnics and showmanship the opening and closing ceremonies offered to the eye candy in the Water Cube to Matthew Mitcham's come from behind win (sorry, we couldn't help ourselves), Beijing 2008 were the gayest Olympics ever -- and it didn't even require a sperm shaped Olympic mascot (see Atlanta '96) to clinch the title. The surprisingly respectful mainstream coverage of Mitcham's story took some of the sting out of NBC's frustrating tendency to ignore the sexuality of this Olympics' gay athletes. WINNER
-- JAPHY GRANT
"-- and it didn't even require a sperm shaped Olympic mascot."
But you did have those cute widdle adorable hybrid twink-bears as mascots.
Posted by: felipe anuel | August 25, 2008 at 09:57 PM
No one ignores the sexuality of the Olimpic's gay athletes, it doesn't matter.
It's Sports, not a TV Show
Plus. No one says hetero-athlet
Why would someone say 'gay-athlet'?
Posted by: Tim L | August 25, 2008 at 11:32 PM