Still daydreaming about men's synchronized diving? You're not alone.

Photo: Getty Images

We received so many emails, Twitters and text messages about last night's Olympic Men's Synchronized Diving Competition that we scrapped our plans for a Phelps-a-thon (you know he's the greatest athlete of all time, right?) to bring you what you want: Twinks in Speedos, diving in unison.

It wasn't just our friends and fellow Popnographers who were capitivated. Based on a quick search of Twitter from last night, the consensus is that men's synchro is pretty fucking gay and, like the old Internet meme, watching it will turn you gay. One commenter wrote, "Olympic men's synchro diving may as well be a gay circuit party. The shower scenes aren't helping. Where are the go-go cages?" Another said, "Is NAMBLA a sponsor of the men's olympic synchro diving event?" And while watching it might make you feel like a pervert, let me explain why you're not. (Unless, of course, you were ogling 14-year-old British diver Tom Daley, in which case, yes, you are.)

Otherwise, in your defense:

Diving is the figure skating of the aquatics world. Unlike racing, with its clear finish line to separate winners and losers, diving is about form. As the NBC commentator kept saying last night, "It all comes down to how pretty they look." And while the judges are not awarding points based on the definition of the diver's abs, they're basically doing the same thing you're doing at home -- judging the aesthetic beauty of the routine.

But don't kid yourself; the difference is that judges are gourmands, able to catch flat feet and ungainly tucks, while the average viewer is shoving themselves full of the eye candy equivalent of a Big Mac. It only takes a single dive to see that these guys have a lot more to offer than go-go boys or circuit twinks, though. While they obviously have great bodies, it's what they are capable of doing with their physique that makes them beautiful. It's what justifies the nine-person judging panel. You should look at them and go, "How pretty!" That's the whole point. Now kick it up a notch and start asking yourself, "What makes it pretty?" And voila -- you've moved from pervert to fan.

Americans usually wrap our admiration of athletes in layers of padding and a whole industry of hero worship, even though to the Greeks, the whole purpose of athletics was to appreciate the physical form in motion. It's the same whether it's synchro, shot put or NFL football. Your admiration for Thomas Finchum and David Boudia's perfectly executed and timed pikes are not far removed from the admiration a Pats fan has for Tom Brady's ability to score a passing touchdown. It's just Tom Brady has more clothes on and is surrounded by a bunch of beer-bellied Southies.

Back in my middle school pool days, I was never an amazing diver, but I learned enough to more obsessively consider how much work is involved jumping off a 10 meter platform, completing a routine while descending at a rate of 35mph and then landing in the pool with as small a splash as possible. I can't even imagine trying to do that in perfect unison with the guy next to you.

If all you're admiring is how these guys look in their Speedos, you're doing yourself a huge (if understandable) disservice. Go ahead and lust after the men's synchro teams, but look beyond the lycra. Wonder about how they can compete against each other in one event and then trust each other totally in this event. Contemplate the kind of teamwork it takes to make the routines work, the partnership involved, the years of training, the focus on precision. Do that and you'll start to see just how hot they really, truly are.

-- JAPHY GRANT

Comments

[Jason87]

I thought the diving event itself was fascinating to watch. Didn't think that it was pervy at all. The sychro showering scenes, well, that was a little too much.