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> Janet Jackson will kick off her Rock Witchu world tour on September 10 in Vancouver marking the first time the singer has hit the road in over seven years. "This show is for the fans,” Janet told the Washington Blade. "It’s a big show, a completely different show. It’s very
much upbeat. The [dancers] say it shouldn’t be called the Rock Witchu
Tour, it should be called the History of Janet Tour.” She also revealed that the tour will focus on her dance hits, and she hopes it will serve to "give concertgoers an escape from their problems," including the economy. Which is ironic considering the toll of a $120 ticket, a $50 t-shirt, and an order of $14 nachos will take on her fans' wallets.
> Katy Perry's ode to the beauty of bi-curious make out sessions continues to earn her fans and enemies in equal numbers. For every 14-year-old girl considering locking lips with her best friend, there's some coalition somewhere ready to crucify the singer for encouraging same-sex canoodling. Her newest rival? Havens Corner Church in Blacklick (seriously!), Ohio, which has placed a sign outside their door reading "I Kissed A Girl And I Liked It -- Then I Went To Hell." Subtle, eh? The church's pastor, Rev. Dave Allison, told the Columbus Dispatch that the message isn't meant to be harsh, but encouraging. "We meant that as a loving warning to teens. The Scriptures tell us that you should not do what the song tells you to do. The Scriptures are not ambiguous on this issue," he said. Right on, Rev. Allison! The Scripture also tells us not to eat shrimp, so what'dya say we meet down at Red Lobster this weekend and protest their evil All You Can Eat Shrimp promotion?
> The last few weeks have been busy for the Simpsons. First Homer gets a colonoscopy live on national television, and now it's been announced that Jodie Foster will lend her voice to the show. Foster will play Maggie -- who normally doesn't make a peep except for the occasional slurpy suck on her pacifier -- as an adult in an episode set in the future. "Four Great Women & a Manicure" will air in early 2009 and reimagines the worlds of Macbeth, The Fountainhead, Citizen Kane, and Queen Elizabeth I, with Simpsons characters each playing pivotal roles. Let's hope art imitates life and Maggie turns out to be a big ol' -- though less discreet -- lesbian.
-- NOAH MICHELSON
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