There's no way to heat up an otherwise dry as toast TV show or film than to vamp it up. Just ask out creator Alan Ball, who amps up on the barely-broadcast-approved rumpy-bumpy on his newfangled True Blood, which premiered Sunday night on HBO. To honor the eerie-but-sexy show's eye candy -- and his eye for teasing us with did-we-just-see-something? sex -- Popnography took a look back at the yummy bloodsuckers who can leave teeth marks on us whenever the heck they want.
> Brad Pitt as Louis de Pointe du Lac (Interview with a Vampire): It's Brad Friggin' Pitt (!) with some sexy long locks, a swoon-worthy sensitive side, and an eye-cementing magnetism that makes this montage from the 1993 Anne Rice-inspired flick suitable for "alone time." Nuff said.
> Jason Patric as Michael Emerson (The Lost Boys): Stuck in the '80s? A dark and dangerous Patric is the decade's classic bad-boy with the just-out-of-bed 'do and the cool-dude sunglasses. Anyone have a time machine?
> The cast of The Lair: This here! series about a gay-vampire-run club, and its mostly-male vamp-camp of chiseled guys doing dirty deeds, is on par with a Madonna flick: We like it because of who's in it. (What they're doing helps, too)
> Aaliyah as Queen Akasha (Queen of the Damned): A natural tease -- in this sensual clip she's a little more forward -- the late R&B singer's last film role doesn't pinch on the sexy factor: Skimpy midriff-exposing clothing, sultry moves and the come-hither finger motion. Enough reason to dust off the Aaliyah catalog, ay?
> David Boreanaz as Angel (TV's Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its spinoff Angel): Even if buff big-gunned dudes aren't your thing, Angel's 200-plus years old -- meaning he's more practiced than any of the guys you've been with.
> Stephen Dorff as Deacon Frost (Blade): So it doesn't beat his wrapped-schlong scene in Shadowboxer, but Dorff's a down-right bloodthirsty bad-guy with ample ambition in this Wesley Snipes-led action flick -- and aren't those the best to bring to bed?
> Kate Beckinsale as Selene (Underworld and Underworld: Evolution): Vacuum-sealed in a skin-tight leather cat suit, Beckinsale became this vampire warrior in a dual installment of the Underworld series. We can only imagine what's underneath -- actually, we don't have to when the curvaceous Brit gets unzipped in the sequel's steamy sex scene.
> Robert Pattinson as Edward F. Cullen (Twilight): We don't know yet whether Pattinson sucks as the famed pasty-skinned vamp in the popular Twilight series, but from the trailer we've got at least two pluses to look forward to when the film drops on November 21: Those high cheekbones and the boyish yum-yum factor. A nude scene wouldn't hurt either.
> Looking instead to skip the dialogue and drama and sink your teeth into something with nasty-bits galore, like Gayracula? Check out the suggestions on this gay vamp-porn site.
-- CHRIS AZZOPARDI
Awesome blog! I read on here all the time, but I love all the vampire relations and frankly-your style of writing is so "bloody" funny! ;)
BTW, you're right, vampires sure can be hot!
Posted by: Adam | September 08, 2008 at 01:42 PM
Fright Night was my favorite vampire flick. Chris Sarandon was a smooth operator, had a man servant, cool sweaters and very long, sausage like fingers. He even convinced lezbot Amanda Bearse to give up her virtue. Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX-ncFG4Iqg&feature=related
Posted by: Joe | September 12, 2008 at 12:44 AM