YouTube is full of gems. It can turn a nobody into a somebody overnight. Or it can be a place for former reality stars to shamelessly whore themselves out in an attempt to extend their brief few moments of fame.
Scott Herrman of MTV's The Real World: Brooklyn has his own channel on YouTube. Why exactly? So he can provide us with really complicated tips, like in this video, where he explains to us the painstaking task of shaving his chest. No, not just explains, demonstrates, as in the shower.
And we're sure you're already aware, but you can get even more groundbreaking "fitness" tips (others include How to Pick Someone Up at the Gym and a Captain America impersonation) from Scott on his website, scotthermanfitness.com. It's almost as great as laurenconradthinksshecanwriteanovel.com.
Cartel is one of those great bands that rides the awkward line between mainstream (their videos have appeared briefly on MTV) and cool, indie notoriety (they tour the country's small nightclubs). Okay, granted, my number one reason for listening to them is that the lead singer, Will Pugh, is pretty much my dream man (kind of like a blond Pete Wentz) -- but the music's good too!
Will and the boys have just dropped their first single, "Let's Go," off of their yet to be released third album. It's poppy with a "Let's chug beer and take the night!" vibe. After you jam out to the song above, check out this music video from the last album to gaze into Will's eyes. Yes, I fully embrace the fact that I pause it whenever the camera zooms in for a close-up. Sigh.
"Let's Go" is available now on iTunes. For more info on Cartel, check out their site.
> Because you're never too old to be the subject of catfight trash tabloid rumors, Betty White recently had to refute claims that she, Rue McClanahan, and Bea Arthur callously skipped out on co-star and friend Estelle Getty's funeral. Gossip pubs and sites have been buzzing about a feud between the Golden Girls -- or came right out and painted their absence as a straight up dis to Getty -- but White says it just ain't so. "We were with Estelle when it mattered," she told Entertainment Tonight. "Funerals are about [journalism] … who was there and who wasn't? That's
not about Estelle," White said. "We adored her. To tell you the truth,
her passing is tough on us, but it's a blessing for her. She's been so
ill for so long, she's in a better place now, wherever she is." Most likely dropping one-liners on the big lanai in the sky.
> Paris Hilton's career interests have taken her down many different paths. She's done reality TV, made a pop album (as tepid or full-on piss poor as most of the tracks were, we're still willing to go to bat for "Screwed" and "Nothing in the World") and most recently starred in a spoof of a John McCain election ad. Now she can add cartoon inspiration to her resume. The heiress has teamed up with legendary comic book genius Stan Lee to create a superhero for MTV. Entertainment Tonight -- never one to pitch any journalistic soft balls -- swooped in and tossed Paris the most interesting question they could come up with: what super power does she wish she had? Paris replied, "To be invisible -- that would be fun." Actually Paris, when you're invisible, people can't see you. Which kind of defeats the purpose of constantly, desperately trying to get the paparazzi's (and everyone else's) attention.
> Miley Cyrus has finally revealed that she and best friend Nick Jonas dated for two years. The Hannah Montana star had denied rumors that she was involved with the youngest Jonas brother up until now, but in a new interview with Seventeen magazine she admits, "We were in love with each other. For two years he was basically my
24/7." But the stress of keeping the relationship secret wasn't easy on the teens. "It was really hard to keep it from people. We were arguing a
lot, and it really wasn't fun." We're also guessing Miley won't think the 12-minute video of her and Nick making out that's reportedly about to be sold on the internet for $29.95 is very fun either. A source who has supposedly seen the tape says, "Nick goes all the way to first base and almost gets to second -- you
can see his hand kind of going up her shirt." What's more, the source claims, "There's even a little dry
humping near the end." Go ahead and call us jaded, but we're pretty sure that making it "all the way to first base" and a little lite frottage is downright innocent for teenagers these days (especially teenagers who later posted plenty of panty-wearing self-portraits online). In 2008 you pretty much have to be simultaneously servicing the entire staff at an Arby's while they're busy attending to the lunch crowd to really qualify as a slut, and even then you might just be dubbed a little horny and a lot ambitious.
> It appears over the years Whoopi Goldberg has been quite the popular gal. While discussing France's first lady, Carla Bruni, who reportedly has had over 30 lovers, Goldberg revealed the number of paramours she's enjoyed by counting them out using her fingers and toes. When the charades had ended and the dust had cleared, it turned out she's been with over 50! "You should do an album!" Barbara Walters teasingly exclaimed (in reference to Bruni who currently holds the #1 record in France with a collection of songs that features lyrics about her past lovers). Whoopi countered, "It doesn't matter how many people you've been with in your life. It's who you stick with." Amen! There's nothing we love more than a woman seizing her sexuality and romping her way around the city as much or as little as she pleases. As for us, we're looking forward to finding someone to "stick to" but we're still in the woefully shallow but wonderfully satisfying "it's who you stick it to that matters" phase in our lives.
> Dina Lohan is hopping mad (we really have no idea how or why that strange, antiquated phrase came to us -- we just suddenly had a vision of Dina jumping up and down with smoke coming out of her ears kind of like a somewhat daintier version of Yosemite Sam)! She recently learned -- from TMZ.com of all places-- that her 14-year-old daughter Ali auditioned for porn mogul Peter Davy. Though the audition wasn't for a XXX film -- Ali seems desperate for a taste of the same caliber of stardom her older sister Lindsay has secured, but not (yet) hungry enough to get nake-o -- Davy is known for helming such classics as "Breast Wishes 14" and "Buns Busters 12." Apparently the meeting was set up by Ali's agent without Dina's knowledge or permission. TMZ is also reporting that while Ali's buns are off the table, she did manage to score a role in Troll, a remake of the 1986 cult classic of the same name. Congratulations Ali, but somehow starring in Troll seems just as bad as being the face -- er, chest? -- of "Breast Wishes 15." Though, Jennifer Aniston did get her start in Leprechaun, so maybe you're truly, finally, on your way.
> Grab your Kleenex -- Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong have split up. Us Weekly reports the two ended their three-month relationship this past weekend. "There was no drama or ugliness -- they just decided to end things," a source close to the couple supposedly told Us. "There is no hatred, just sadness." During their brief stint together, Hudson accompanied Armstrong to many of his races and events including his Lance Armstrong Livestrong Summit in Columbus, Ohio, where the two reportedly called it quits. Us claims the two had met each other's parents and that Hudson's 4-year-old son Ryder went to a Father's Day brunch with Armstrong (and dad Chris Robinson), but c'mon! After three months, could things really have been that serious? Can't we just get past this and let the Kate and Lance find two other celebs to be gorgeous and nauseatingly happy with? Time's a-wasting, people! The sooner you get new love interests, the sooner we can speculate about when you'll be breaking up with them. (Cue Elton John's "Circle of Life.") -- NOAH MICHELSON
> Jesse McCartney tells British rag AXM that if he were to choose a "Brokeback Mountain style co-star" it'd be Emile Hirsch or Shia LaBoeuf. The 21-year-old heartthrob -- most famous for his simpering pop hits and a role on the lost WB TV show Summerland -- also gave the thumbs up to David Beckham as his fashion icon saying, "Beckham's a stud's man." We've already baked the cake and hung the "Welcome to the Family!" banner in the Popnography conference room -- just let us know when it's officially official, Jesse.
> Speaking of being a Becks fan, singer Craig David (remember him?) tells the Advocate that if he were gay, he'd go after either the football star or Brad Pitt. "It’d have to be Brad Pitt," he says. "Or David Beckham -- they’re hot! You can’t deny it. Every guy in the world thinks so." Well, maybe not every guy -- though no arguments here. But we have to implore -- can we get a little originality from some of you wannabe homos? Just once we'd like to hear a "straight" guy say if he were gay he'd forge every river and climb every mountain to get the chance to bang Phllip SeymourHoffman or Steve Buscemi.
> Martha Stewart has been refused entry into the UK due to her past conviction for conspiracy, making false
statements and obstructing agency proceedings. The happy homemaker was planning to visit the country to attend business meetings. "She has engagements with English companies and business
leaders and hopes this can be resolved so that she will be able
to visit soon," said Charles Koppelman, chairman of Martha Stewart
Living Omnimedia. Don't start packing yet, Martha. A spokesperson for the UK Border Agency commented, "We continue to oppose the entry to the UK of individuals
where we believe their presence in the United Kingdom is not
conducive to the public good or where they have been found
guilty of serious criminal offenses abroad." Which means the lazy, packrat-ish, crafty-less, or un-color coordinated on the other side of the pond are safe -- for the time being.
"We were just hanging out, we used to watch the porn channel because we were like ten and, 'Oh my God, tits!' Me
and Sean said 'Michael do you want to see something cool?' We turned
the dial to the porn channel and there were strippers shaking their
tits around. We were like, 'Michael, Michael how cool is this?' We
turned around and he was cringing saying, 'Ooh stop it, stop it, ooh
it's so silly.' He was not down with the program whatsoever. I think he
just had really strong feminist views on porn and the use of it."
"Really strong feminist views on porn"...riiiiiiiiiight. Uh-huh. That has to be it! Of course! That explains why we get Michael and Andrea Dworkin mixed up all the time.
> HolyMoly.com is reporting that Madonna is divorcing her husband of eight years, Guy Ritchie. The singer allegedly met with superstar divorce lawyer Nicholas Mostyn (most recently hired by Paul McCartney) last week and secured him to represent her. Rumor has it that the couple doesn't have a prenup -- which means Mr. Madonna could walk away with up to half of her fortune -- estimated somewhere between 300 and 500 million dollars (depending on how recently she's been on tour or made a commercial for saki or shampoo.) A source claims that there cause of the divorce stems from nothing more than the two "growing apart" and that Madonna and Ritchie will do everything in their power to keep the split as private and painless as possible. If this is true, we're actually sorta sad -- we liked them together. We'd much rather see the woman divorce her disappointingly soggy beast of a new album instead.
> Just when you thought nothing could possibly top last year's Alvin and the Chipmunks movie (note: if you really thought that we're a little terrified-slash-mesmerized by you), Variety confirms that a live action Smurfs film has just been given the green light. David Stem and David Weiss -- who wrote Shrek 2 and 3 -- are in negotiations to pen the screenplay featuring the lovable blue pocket-sized creatures best known in America from the Hanna-Barbera cartoon which ran on NBC's Saturday morning lineup from 1981 to 1990. The film will make use of a combination of CG film effects and live actors but no stars are currently signed to the project. Is it just us or does anyone else think Christian Siriano would make a perfect Vanity Smurf? There is only going to be one good thing about this: Instant new stoner viewing classic.
> Not only do Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have to suffer the slings and arrows of having their every move scrutinized by the gossip hungry public, they also have to deal with gruesomely tragic situations like not being completely sure of how to decorate the new nursery for their yet-to-be-born twins. “Brad wanted a nursery filled with furniture with 'clean lines' -- sort of '60s modern and lots of natural wood colors and whites," a source close to the family revealed to MSNBC.com. "Angelina was much more interested in creating a classic European
nursery." To solve the matter the couple hired a psychic to determine the "vibe" of the twins, who then proclaimed the room should feel more "girly than modern." The end result? A nursery filled with "organza bassinets with pink bows, pink Versailles-style cribs with
matching changing tables and armoires, and custom-made crystal
chandeliers made in France," costing nearly $100,000. Which may sound like a lot to us, but when you're Brangelina it's sort of like buying a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.
"It's written by guys, who happen to be gay, who are sluts. Let's
face it: Most men are sluts. That's what testosterone is supposed to do.
As a hunter, if you stayed alive after 30 nature wanted your genes out
there. Women were just trying to get the best sperm to make a
masterpiece. You have a bunch of guys who are sluts, writing for women and telling them they are supposed to act like this."
You got us, Lauren! Turning women into sex-crazed zombies is but one small part of the gay agenda. We also really love show tunes, spend all of our time at the gym, and carry around tubs of Crisco for impromptu fisting parties -- and you would have seen the girls participating in more of that stuff, too, if SATC episodes weren't only 28 minutes long.
> Steven Tyler is in rehab -- for his foot. The Aerosmith front man reportedly entered a California facility earlier this month to treat a substance abuse problem, but he is now claiming he's merely recovering from foot surgery. "The doctors told me the pain in my feet could be corrected but it would require a few surgeries over time," Tyler said in a statement Thursday. "The 'foot repair' pain was intense, greater than I'd anticipated. The
months of rehabilitative care and the painful strain of physical
therapy were traumatic," he said, adding, "I really needed a safe environment to recuperate where I could shut off my phone and get back on my feet." I don't want to come off as brash or cocky in your time of podiatric distress, Steven, but three years ago, when I was recovering from sinus surgery (sexy, right?), I laid on my lumpy orange IKEA couch for two weeks watching the Price is Right, and I healed just fine -- without a rehab team to nurse me back to health.
> The very thing you've been waiting your whole lives for is about to happen: Irrefutable proof that aliens exist will be presented in Denver. Jeff Peckman, who is promoting a ballot initiative to create an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission in the city, says he has footage of a 4-foot alien looking through a window and will show the clip at a press conference today. Peckman claims the film is one small portion of the overwhelming proof he has that aliens have visited our planet. He also says that an instructor at the Colorado Film School in Denver scrutinized the
video "very carefully" and determined it was authentic. The clip will not be shown to the public because it's part of a documentary that will be available for purchase in the coming months. Brilliant plan, Peckman! Why on earth wouldn't you charge people to see what is undoubtedly proof of the most important revelation in world history?
> The National Enquirer (our favorite source for totally unreliable but endlessly enjoyable gossip) is claiming that sex with John Mayer is the one thing that has finally helped Jennifer Aniston to forget about Brad Pitt. A source for the magazine says, "Jennifer is calling John the
best ever lover. In fact, she can't stop raving about his skills
between the sheets -- insisting the sex with him is way better than it
was with Brad during their four-and-a-half-year marriage." Moreover, the source alleges, "It is no secret that every guy Jennifer has dated after her bust-up with Brad was merely a bit-player in her recovery process. Only now, in John's arms, does she look even close to finally putting Pitt in the past tense." While intrigued by Mayer's supposed sexual healing super powers, we've still got to say when push comes to thrust -- we're Team Pitt all the way.
> Oprah is going vegan for 21 days to detox and reassess her relationship with food. Along with 3 production associates from her production company, the queen of daytime talk will not eat any animals products or caffeine, sugar, gluten and alcohol. Oprah writes on day one of her food blog -- which she'll regularly update during the detox -- "Don't know if I'm going to feel better or worse, but I'm willing to try to see if my body at least feels differently." On day two she writes, "I had been focused on what I had to give up -- sugar, gluten, alcohol,
meat, chicken, fish, eggs, cheese. 'What's left?' I thought. Apparently a lot. I can honestly say every meal was a surprise and a
delight, beginning with breakfast -- strawberry rhubarb wheat-free
crepes." We want to be supportive Oprah, but when you're worth a billion dollars you can hire people who can make cat litter taste good. Try going vegan for 21 days on a $30 a day budget and then maybe we'll be impressed.
> Yesterday presidential hopeful John McCain visited the Ellen DeGeneres show and he had the gall to tell her that she shouldn't be able to get married as he believes in "the unique status of marriage between and man and a woman." Responding to his comment that he'd be fine with gay couples drafting legal contracts to deal with practical matters, Ellen fired back: "‘You can have a contract, and you’ll still have insurance, and
you’ll get all that,’ it sounds to me like saying, ‘Well, you can sit
there, you just can’t sit there.’… It feels like we are not, you know,
we aren’t owed the same things and the same wording." McCain refused to budge but offered Ellen his best wishes for "every happiness" which prompted the following exchange:
Ellen: “So, you’ll walk me down the aisle? Is that what you’re saying?”
McCain: “Touche.”
Actually John, in your case it's pronounced douche.
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