I've never been a fan of air guitar -- either playing it or watching someone else do it. There's something a little too self-conscious (and at the same time oblivious) -- not to mention geeky -- about it for me to really be able to just let go and pretend that I'm playing an instrument that I don't play -- much less an instrument that's not even really there.
But air sex on the other hand, now there's an American pastime I could get into. And lucky for me, flocks of horny, attention starved hipsters are swarming venues across this fine land to simulate doing the dirty with an imaginary partner.
Here are the simple, easy-to-follow rules:
Time: Contestants have a maximum of 2 minutes to
perform an air sex routine. This can include all phases of an air sex
encounter: meeting, seduction, foreplay and intercourse, or you can
simply cut to the chase.
Music: Competitors must perform to music, you can
either bring a CD of your performance track with you, or you can choose
from our selection of air sex music. You may also include an audio
prelude to your performance, maximum of 30 seconds.
Other Rules: Unlike air guitar, there are not
many other rules. Props are allowed, teams are allowed, talking is
allowed. The only important rule is that all sexual climaxes must be
simulated, not real.
If you want to give it a go, check out the Air Sex Championship site to find out when the mock humpfest will be inserting itself (but not really) into your city.
Following closely on the heels of Showtime’s Secret Diary of a Call Girl (and that whole “Client 9” thing with former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer), Steven Soderbergh’s new film, The Girlfriend Experience, delves into the world of high-class prostitution. Shot pseudo-documentary style, the film follows Chelsea, an escort, and her personal trainer boyfriend, Chris, as they respectively navigate their relationships and work lives. With the entire world at her fingertips, Chelsea is young, savvy, and fetches $2,000 an hour for her services. The film doesn’t really focus on the more sensationalist aspects of her work life; there is little sex and the clients are not cataloged in a comical or dramatic fashion like they are in Secret Diary. Instead, The Girlfriend Experience hones in on the more commonplace aspects of the sex-for-hire business, like Chelsea’s day-to-day personal upkeep and her ambitions to grow her business online.
This dry, straight-forward delivery is familiar from Soderbergh, who utilized non-actors and improvisation in his previous film, Bubble. Whereas Bubble, set in a barren Midwestern town, was considered particularly sparse and neo-realist, The Girlfriend Experience is coated in a glamorous polish of trendy, low-lit Manhattan restaurants and to-die-for real estate. In other words, it’s lifestyle porn.
In the theatre, even downtown New York theatre, it's not every day you get to see two naked black men simulating oral and anal sex. But that's exactly what you'll get when you catch Whore Works, running through May 30 at the East Village's cozy Kraine Theatre.
The young playwright, Juan Michael Porter II, casts himself as a dancer-cum-hustler across from seasoned New York actor Bryan Webster, who plays a variety of rich older johns who hire Porter -- including one nice guy who falls in love with Porter and asks to see him exclusively, and not necessarily for cash. Can Porter's pathologically narcissistic yet intimacy-fearing character, who can't seem to cross the stage without doing an Alvin Ailey high-kick, find true love with the nice guy? Find out.
And though we'll fully disclose that the classically trained Webster is our friend, this was the
first time we've seen him onstage, and we were dazzled by how fully he differentiates a handful of very different characters, from an aging record mogul in a hip-hop tracksuit to a manic porn-obsessed sicko with handcuffs to, well, just a nice guy who gets Porter to stop pirouetting just long enough to maybe love him back.
The best thing about public sex -- besides the sex -- is that there's a good chance you might get caught doing things (and/or people) you aren't supposed to be doing a mere 8 or 56 feet from clueless, law abiding, non-sex-having citizens. It's not just the friction and the moaning that makes hooking up hot (though of course they're good too) -- sometimes it's the risk and the danger. But would public sex be as titillating if you weren't half-terrified the cops were going to show up at any second and find you romping in the bushes or fellating in the Wendy's bathroom? We may soon find out.
While having sex in public was against the law,
the park has been used for this purpose for so long that it has become
"gedoog," a Dutch word for tolerating unwanted behavior, Koffijberg explained.
Most of the sexual activity happens in the park's bushes and Koffijberg said that the signs are intended to help keep it there. "There are various groups of users of the park; people with small
children who bathe on the beaches, those who walk their dogs, gays
cruising and nature lovers," Ms Koffijberg said. "Things are arranged so that each group can relax in their own area without intruding on each other."
Now all they need is a concession cart that can roll up next to the ice cream man and sell Magnums, lube, and baby wipes.
Out: Finally, I have to ask you this because it’s been killing me for the
past five years. On the song “A Sorta Fairytale” [from the album Scarlet’s Walk] you sing about “pulling back the hood.” Are you talking about the hood I think you’re talking about? Tori Amos: [Huge smile] Oh, I want you to think whatever you want to think.
[Laughs] That is not an answer! I want you to take it there! I want you to take it there!
Because then when you sing about “tasting heaven perfectly”-- And my mom thinks it’s talking about a convertible! And you know what? Let’s just let her think that.
Seeing as taking Viagra may result in unwanted flatulence, toothaches, U-shaped members, and even death, scientists have developed a new erectile enhancer that is rubbed directly onto the skin and reportedly causes less side effects than the (in)famous little blue pill.
According to the UK Telegraph, American scientists at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine tested the new technique, which utilizes nanoparticle technology, on seven rats, five of which showed signs of arousal. Researchers believe the topical drug will not only cause less side effects than its oral counterpart, but will also start working its magic significantly sooner which means less waiting for your willy to wooden and more fun for everyone.
You can all rest a little bit easier now, boys, the gay hookup has finally made its way to the iPhone. Once upon a time the internet made the causal connection even more immediate and, well, causal. But here in 2009, we’ve been waiting for something new. We live in a culture of now; our news, our food, our travel -- immediately, if not sooner, please. So why not score our bedfellows the same way? Welcome to the wonderful world of Grindr. Think Manhunt, but for your phone. And actually better. Whether you’re looking to chat, locate a hottie, or just looking for a wingman to accompany you on your late night romps, your iPhone application dreams may’ve just come true.
If you’re like most folks, say, under 45, you just don’t have time to go home, login and look up to hook up when you have places to be. Grindr cuts out the BS of starting up your browser and just gets to what’s important -- the dudes. And it’s mobile! It’s a location-based social networking application that takes full advantage of your iPhone’s GPS to instantly hone in on the hot men in your area. Have a few hours to kill before meeting your friends? Feel like playing around? Simply open the app., and let it do its magic. Your 3.5 inch screen will fill with the smiling faces of all the boys to your left, right up and down -- all you need to do is choose one!
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