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> We're Number 3! The Olympics are as much about human drama as it is sports and while the dominant narrative of the Beijing Games has been "Michael Phelps Is The Greatest Man on Earth (and He's a Nice Guy Too!)", we're totally charmed by the plucky U.S. Men's Gymnastics team, who unexpectedly won the bronze last night.
Unlike Phelps' Apollonian rise, the fun-sized gymnasts were underdogs coming into the games. They lost 2004 All-Around Champion Paul Hamm to injuries earlier in the year and last week lost Hamm's twin brother Morgan to injuries as well and were considered unlikely medalists. Enter plucky, compact heroes, Raj Bhavsar (the dreamy one, second from left!) and Sasha Artemev (twinky one, far left!), alternates who made good. While Bhavsar, 27, became the de facto leader, it was Artemev's flawless performance on the pommel horse that nabbed the Americans the bronze, leading to inevitable shirtless medal shots that ought to be captioned, "Don't mess with the Lollipop League." Need we remind you our love of short muscle boys?
> Also in the "unlikely surprises" category, the U.S. Women's Soccer team advanced yesterday after beating New Zealand. Due to injuries, alternate Natasha Kai, who's gay, is playing on the field, even though ESPN's Lindsey Dolich thinks Kai "failed to make much of an impression despite earning a good chunk of time in the second half." The team will face Canada in the quarterfinals on Friday.
> Nike debuted a new Olympic ad last night featuring the U.S. women's softball team. Set to Donna Fargo's "The Happiest Girl in the Whole U.S.A", the spot features out player Vicky Galindo. While we want to make a pun on "happy" and "gay," we hear Galindo can throw a mean fastball. The ladies take on Canada tomorrow afternoon.
> And oh yeah, Michael Phelps is now "the winningnest Olympian ever," with 11 gold medals under his belt after smashing the world's record in the 200m butterfly and then winning the 4x200m relay today with his team, who managed to be the first ever to swim that event under seven minutes. But it's not over yet. Phelps is still three gold medals away from winning the title of "most gold medals won in one Olympics." And he still has to change the pool in the Water Cube into a giant martini before we bow down and worship him as the One True God. But we're warming to the idea.
-- JAPHY GRANT
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